STORY:
I am compelled to speak on the pains I went through in the hands of men, especially my husband, and how God wiped my tears. I want to encourage someone with this story so that they would know God is never finished with anybody.
Up till my final year in the university, I knew no man. That would tell you that I was not promiscuous. I was raised in a mission house, where all we knew was church. Even in church no man would dare speak about love to us; we would run. In the university each time I saw my friends with their boyfriends, I saw them as sinners.
It was when they were talking about getting married after graduation that it dawned on me that I had no boyfriend. Some of my friends began to warn me to be careful with my ‘holy, holy’ way of life. It was not that guys were not coming to me, but I rebuffed them.
The first relationship I eventually had was during my NYSC in ————–. This guy seemed like the man I could marry. I was inexperienced. I didn’t know how one thing led to the other and he slept with me. The first person! What did he not promise? He would marry me. He was amazed to see a virgin at 25. He promised to take me to meet his parents, etc. I felt at last God had justified my chastity. I allowed him regular sex because I thought that was my husband. I shared all I had with him; all my money and foodstuff. During my NYSC we lived like husband and wife. How my life turned from a holy girl to a wayward girl still beats my imagination. May be it was due to pressure from friends. I never knew that life was so deceptive.
The last day of our service year, after collecting our discharge certificates in Jos, was the last day I saw my husband-to-be. How he sneaked out on me to his room and packed his things and left ————- still remains a mystery to me. When on the second day I did not see him, I was nearly mad. I mean MAD!
The biggest shock came when I got back home in ————— and found out that I was pregnant; I was two months gone – daughter of a pastor? We thought it was a delayed menstruation because of jedijedi (pile). It was in the hospital that mum was told I was two months gone.
Anyway, my mum had a close friend, a nurse who invited me to her home. I explained the whole story, how the guy ran away. She took decision on her own and the pregnancy was aborted. The first fruit of my womb! I need to recount the agony?
I was lucky to get a job and the agony led me into another relationship. I just felt I needed to move on after much counseling by the nurse. She encouraged me to fall in love again and I did. In two years, I got married to a guy. That was in 1998. We lived in Abuja. He was a calm gentleman. Our home was peaceful and nice. But, somehow, I could not conceive.
After about three years, anxiety set in. Gradually the home I knew as peaceful became another thing. The man I thought was cool, calm and collected became a jerk, a philanderer, an adulterer, an abuser of wife and a drunk! Just under three years of childlessness, I became depressed and worried. I began to run from pillar to post. My mum died in a motor accident along —————— road over this issue on her way to see me.
The biggest shock came in 2007 when I discovered that my husband already had three children from another woman. I never knew my husband had married another woman after three years of living with him. He could not just wait.
Medically, I was told nothing was wrong with me. Doctors said it baffled them why I couldn’t get pregnant. I didn’t know where the evil or challenge came from. Later on, my husband became totally insane with beatings and abuses, telling me to leave his house, I was told to move out, after all, he had a wife somewhere. I moved to —————- area.
I worked with a blue chip company, earned well and was doing great. In 2007, I spoke with my boss that I wanted to leave my base for any other state. My boss understood what I was going through. She approved of —————-. But before I moved, my boss, who had a similar problem called me to her house where she advised me to consider adopting a child.
I was 46 and I was getting the early menopausal signs. It was a harrowing experience for me to accept that I would not carry my own child in my womb. I agreed. And she gave me letters and stood for me as guarantor in two places. I adopted two children; both of them were less than a month old, from two different places in different towns.
I relocated to ——————- with the children, I moved to Lagos. So no one around knew my story. They all thought I had just put to bed and everybody called me mama ibeji. The babies sucked my breasts, even in public. The boy and the girl have grown to know me as their mum. I have accepted them in my sub-consciousness as my biological twins. I told people their father died when I was pregnant with them.
I built two four-flats at —————— in their names. They are both in one of the best elementary schools in ——————-. We travel around together. They have seen the world. I have my children now. I know that these children would give me the children I couldn’t bear. They bear my father’s name.
And for you to know how God works, these twins now look alike. Same complexion, same faces, same height, both hairy, and people tell me they look like me. How this happened I don’t know. But it convinced me that God did it. I believe it is God’s way of telling me He is with me. Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.
I don’t feel I am barren anymore. Some of my old friends who thought I was barren don’t know my story because for close to eight years none of them saw me or knew where I was. The two people who knew were my boss, (late now) and the place where I adopted them from. By the way, I don’t even care if anybody knows. – Lady Anon
RESPONSE:
Your testimony is inspiring and encouraging. It buttresses the fact that truly, weeping may endure for a night but joy will still come in the morning (Psalm 30: 5). However, there is this aspect you need to resolve as soon as possible so you will not be living a lie. Someday, somewhere, sometime, somehow, you will have to tell your adopted children their true story and let them know you’re not their biological mother. You will need to let all the important people in your life know this truth also. Already, you have given everybody around you the wrong impression that you are their biological mother whereas you are not but for how long do you want to continue living in such a lie? Lying itself is a grievous sin before God. Please, meditate on Psalm 5: 6; John 8: 32; 2Corinthians 13: 8; 1Peter 3: 10 and Revelation 21: 8. Whereas the Bible describes Satan as a liar and father of lies (John 8: 44), Jesus is Truth personified (John 14: 6) and the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth (John 14: 17; 15: 26; 16: 13 & 1John 4: 6).
Adoption is part of the realities of life we are yet to fully accept in this part of the world (even in the church). You have already taken a bold step by adopting these artificial twins but please, set yourself completely free and go the whole hog by letting them and the people around you know you adopted them. After all, you said you don’t care anymore if anybody knows now. That is the way to true and lasting peace and joy with yourself, others around you and even God, our Maker. Know also that these children might still know the truth anyway, someday, somehow. So, don’t make the mistake of allowing them discover the truth themselves after you’re dead and gone or on your death bed. It is just necessary and important that you settle this crucial issue as soon as possible.
